Amor Fati: Love of Fate

The Warm Embrace of Adversity

Is it healthy to love the terrible things that happen to you? A romantic partner lost, your career taken away, or the suffering of a physical or spiritual injury… how could one “love” such things?

Both Nietsche and Marcus Aurelius say: yes, learn to embrace them. As a matter of fact, love your fate, because that is the outcome that was destined for you.

Amor Fati means “a love of fate.”

Suffering through hardship is an exercise everyone will have to endure in their lives. The avoidance of this reality or the feeling that you should always be sheltered from adversity is the trapping of a weak willed, resentful soul. 

But not all coping methods are made equal. The Stoics tell us the balanced individual will not seek specific outcomes. They will not suffer defeat when the inevitability of cold, heartless adversity enters their life. The Stoic takes all things as they were meant to be. They do not seek to control, manipulate or change their past, present or future. It is a contented, balanced approach to dealing with all things.

Nietzsche said:

“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.”

Regret does not exist with the Stoic, nor the lustful thirst for an idealized future. Chaos reigns and the Stoic remains resolute, loving whatever fate is granted.

A connection I made when researching this concept was with Jocko Wilink. Jocko is a former Navy Seal, Jiu Jitsu black belt, successful entrepreneur and all around bad dude. He wrote Extreme Ownership, one of my favorite books. He’s well known in the martial arts/self-improvement/podcast-sphere for the phrase “good.”

He describes the utter hell of life… loss, failure, confrontation, defeat. And in the face of that hell, Jocko calmly and confidently says, “good.” He doesn’t smile, laugh, cry or yell. He just calmly accepts his fate, as a Stoic would. He, in fact, loves his fate because he knows there is opportunity on the other side of this resistance. He knows there is growth on the other side of pain.

Check out this YouTube excerpt from Jocko’s podcast that encapsulates this well.

I have been experiencing the twisting and tortuous feeling of loss these past weeks. It plagues me. But I know the fate was mine… was ours to have. I cannot change it. I cannot manipulate my thoughts and feelings to achieve a different emotional state. I can only learn from them and take the opportunities available to me. Time will pass. That is an inevitability I can remain confident in. Resentment or anger will do nothing for me. Inversely, false joy or forced projections of a ‘happy’ person will not be a winning strategy in the face of suffering.

Whatever can happen, will happen. Therefore, I need not try to control it. Murphy’s law will prevail, so all we can do is control what we do in the present moment. Perhaps, we can learn to love the things that happen, no matter how cruel or unexpected...

See you next Sunday, friend.